Resurrection
A painting created using my burned baptism, communion, and confirmation certificates. The documentation of the burning projected on a lace veil.
Resurrection, 2022, Ashes and oil on canvas, 48x72"
The intention behind Resurrection was always absolution; this took on a very different approach from the act of confession that I grew up accustomed to as a Catholic. This act of absolution centred around the liberation of my gender identity and the sense of subordination derived from an upbringing within Catholic institutions and their values. My past work has acknowledged the subject of conformity and the sense of restraint that accompanies it; however, I wanted liberation, not from my sins but from a part of my identity that I no longer resonate with. The principal methodology to convey the concept of liberation was through the use of ashes resulting from burning my religious documents (baptismal, communion, and confirmation certificates); the documentation of this process was used for the installation, projected alongside the final painting, which incorporated the ash into the oil medium. The multimedia approach was necessary because each component of the piece portrays a different step in the creation of Resurrection and this transformation of deinstitutionalization.
While the burning of sacramental documents seems like a sacrilegious act, many of the associations that would dub them sacred are concepts that I have already detached myself from. This was never an act of vengeance against the spirituality but of protest against the institution, which distorted its teachings and ultimately promoted harmful ideologies. Within my process, there was a stage of contemplation and reflection on the significance of these documents, which turned into a lamentation of the name and identity represented on them. When it came to the desecration of the certificates, I no longer regarded them as sacramental. The act of burning them cannot be considered sacrilegious because the only person who could give meaning and purpose to those documents had detached themselves from their symbolic significance. Another critical element with the destruction of the documents was the fire itself. In Catholicism, "When a child is baptized, the candle is a symbol of faith, light, truth and new life in Christ." Once the documents were burned, the fire, which served as an extension of the candle, was extinguished. This is captured in the video projection, representing the end of my identity within the faith and the ashes representing the rebirth.
I struggled with the representation of my body mostly due to gender dysphoria but reconciles this through the implementation of religious symbolism. The five wounds that Jesus sustained on the crucifix, arguably one of Catholicism's most recognized visuals, are superimposed on my anatomy. As the title Resurrection implies, these wounds reference the concept of rebirth, but they reference persecution and proof of identity from a biblical standpoint. "[Tomas] said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." /// "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." ( John 20:25-27). I found the five wound the most suitable because this refusal of identity is something I found was present within both theological and queer discourse. Within the church, trans identity is seen as an abomination because it goes against God's intent. Within the LGBT community, there is rhetoric as to how valid a trans identity is without medically transitioning. So while there is the element of rebirth, the painting still demonstrates the limitation of still embodying feminine anatomy.